A Biological Day

This weekend has been a busy one for me, a normal weekend for me is very quiet, with me hardly going anywhere, whereas this weekend, well yesterday I took Boy Lacer to a gym party in a neighbouring town and today me and Girl Lacer were out of the flat at 7.45am to go into central London for a biological day.

When Girl Lacer was a baby, way before I was even pregnant with Boy Lacer, she took part in a language development study (in part because she had a mummy who would do anything for free nappies, but also in part because Girl Lacer’s freebie loving mummy was also an ex-scientist who had a hankering for the ‘old days’). I knew that the study was looking at how children acquired language, so later on when Boy Lacer arrived on the scene and his language was delayed, I always looked back sort of proudly that me and Girl Lacer had helped out in our own little way in helping future children with developmental delay learn to speak. (Boy Lacer himself benefited greatly from early diagnosis due to separate lung problems, he had lots of speech therapy (as well as physio) and I’m sure he’s now doing far better than he would have done if he had been diagnosed a year or two later). Anyway, when the people running the study contacted us again for a follow up, of course (as long as Girl Lacer wanted to) we were going to help again. This time Girl Lacer had to do several hours of computer games followed by more computer games in a MRI scanner. It was nice heading back to a part of London where I had studied for my Masters and Girl Lacer was as good as gold playing the computer games and amazing staying still so long in the MRI. The scientists running the study were brilliant to, with one of them showing and explaining to Girl Lacer what the MRI scans of her head showed afterwards, so we saw lots of slices through her head and all the nerve impulses going from place to place across her brain.

We spent a good chunk of the day there but we still had time afterwards to go and visit the nearby Wellcome Collection. Now, despite living in London for a frighteningly long time now, I’ve only been to the Wellcome Collection once and I’ve never taken the kids, although to be honest it’s probably not the most fun place to take the 5 and under, but for a 7 year old who quite likes museums, even though as the collection’s website states, the exhibits are aimed at 14+, Girl Lacer certainly enjoyed it. Although being a medical museum, I should warn anyone else thinking of taking young children, there are some graphic images, but nothing that really bothered Girl Lacer (or bothered me for her seeing them). They were even giving out some really cool young explorer packs, which has to be the best freebies I’ve ever seen from a museum ever, a cotton bag, a nicely produced booklet with activities to do there and at home (I do love it when museums extend the activities you can do with them to home as well), a pencil, a scientist’s moustache, fimo (so you can make a votive at home) and stickers. There is a very nice cafe there (which unlike a lot of museum cafes, it looked like the sort of place people go to just because of the cafe and not just because it’s the only place nearby where you can eat), they didn’t really have any kid specific food there, but they had a gorgeous pesto pasta salad which Girl Lacer really liked (and I couldn’t stop nicking pieces off her). There’s also a nice shop, with some really cute soft toy Einsteins, Freuds, Darwins and Florence Nightingales, I was sorely tempted.

Below are some photos from the collection, you may notice the majority of them were from the Human Genome, which as an ex-geneticist, I was totally awe struck by (whilst Girl Lacer wandered round bored in that bit wondering why mummy was making such a fuss about a bunch of books).

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Randomicity

After a busy weekend cleaning the entire flat because the occupational therapist was coming for a home visit, we had the occupational therapist this morning, she only saw the living room lol but the flat needed a good clean anyway! It was more work on Boy Lacer’s sensory issues and talk about how ultra sensitive he is to his body’s signals, both externally and internally (we’re having some distress at the moment around going to the toilet) and he’s fidgeting a lot, especially when sitting on me or Mr. Lacer.

Boy Lacer has speech therapy tomorrow (all these appoinments always seem to come at once), it will be the first appointment since he had the speech therapist come and visit him in playgroup, which was the final assessment for his diagnosis (and why he is currently ‘labelled’ social communication disorder probable autistic spectrum, as they could not diagnose him as autistic spectrum without seeing him in a social setting). So I’m hoping we’ll get a change in diagnosis tomorrow without the paediatrician being present, it would be nice to have a ‘label’ that wasn’t such a mouth full and is more definite, I’m sure he has Asperger’s and dyspraxia but it would be nice if someone actually said that to me. Since turning 3 Boy Lacer has become more of a challenge to handle and his ‘differences’ are increasingly obvious, I stood outside the school gates just now and there was a group of 3 year olds there, likely to be in Boy Lacer’s nursery group next year and those kids had made that transition out of being toddlers and Boy Lacer has not yet. His speech is currently not really improving, in fact he’s speaking more gibberish now but I think that might actually be classed as an improvement, as before he’d only talk if he felt absolutely sure he knew the word and now his confidence is growing a bit (I think) but he still speaks, as his speech therapist would put it, ‘babyish’. He’s also been harder to discipline, he’s taken to lunging at and pulling Girl Lacer’s hair and trying to tell him off is literally like water off a duck’s back, it doesn’t sink in and you can tell that and when we try time out in his room he can’t link between pulling his sister’s hair and being put in his room and being put into his room is not what he’d consider a punishment anyway, in fact I think when he’s upset his sister and she’s screaming, he gets upset and confused and therefore putting him in his room is actually a relief for him, so we’re not using time out now, but how on earth do I discipline him if it doesn’t sink in? So instead we’re trying to modify Girl Lacer’s behaviour, a lot of the hair pulling is because she’s wound him up, but not all the time and in her defense it doesn’t take much at all to wind him up. So we’re trying to get her to recognise when he’s in one of his moods and to back off and when he says to stop something, she stops it. But it’s hard to explain to Girl Lacer that Boy Lacer is different, she’s only 5.

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In other random stuff I had a drool in the window of Kingston’s new Jamie’s Italian restaurant today, some yummy looking dishes but on the expensive (for me) side and probably a bit too dear to persuade the mother-in-law to take us out for dinner there either (Pizza Express is normally our venue for that). Although I’ve just had a thought, it’s only a few months to my birthday!

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Finally I’m having some serious second thoughts about my NaNoWriMo, it was frantic over the weekend with tidying the flat and prepping for work tonight, all I had chance to do was a little bit of the editing I talked about, on Saturday and absolutely nothing Sunday, I’ve also done nothing today, so now I’m about 5 days behind and I know I’m never going to catch up and I’ve been wondering whether it’s worth it, trying to race (and failing) towards that artificial deadline. It would be if a) I thought the story was ready b) I honestly had more time, which I just flat out don’t. Reading through my work on Saturday, the beginning of the story had such (for me) promise but quality was falling as I was trying to rush. But then I think am I just looking for excuses to stop? The NaNoWriMo e-mails have been fantastic at warning not to give up at this stage, that everyone goes through it, so how do you judge when the story really is not ready or when you’re just getting to the hard bit and you just need to battle through? So I came to a decision, walking home from drooling over Jamie Oliver’s windows, the story is going to be retired to the not too distance recesses of my mind and I need to think about it for a while longer yet, jot down notes when I see something that inspires me or I have an idea and then come back to it later. I think have the basic storyline but I need to populate it more to make it more of the complete, complex world it’s showing itself to be in glimpses in my head. I’m worried that if I force this story, like I did with my last NaNoWriMo effort, I’ll end up hating the idea and end up killing it, which is what happened last year, last year’s story idea was based on an idea I used to like falling asleep to, a woman climbing into a sleeping cubicle on a long distance starship and I killed that idea so badly I now can’t even think about it when trying to fall asleep (I’d imagine climbing into one of those snug little Japanese style sleeping cubicles and burying myself under the duvet to the distant thrum of the space ship’s engines). So meanwhile I’m back to concentrating on my Charles I story, which I shouldn’t have (temporarily) abandoned for this floozy of another story.

 

Legoland

Today was our pretty much annual trip to Legoland, although considering Mr. Lacer and Girl Lacer finally cashed in some Tesco Clubcard vouchers and now have annual Legoland passes, we will be going more next year. The annual nature of the trip though has made it hard this time in a way though as Boy Lacer is now pretty much exactly the same age (in fact he’s a month older) than Girl Lacer on her first trip to Legoland and it is very easy to remember what she was like as an excited 3 year old, running round, chattering about everything, wanting to go on every ride and it is very very hard not to compare that with Boy Lacer. Now obviously I know already that Girl and Boy Lacer are reaching their developmental milestones at very different rates from each other and I know that’s not just because of Boy Lacer’s autism either, every child is different particularly comparing between boys and girls but today it has been very, what word shall I use, remindful.

Today Girl Lacer did her normal stuff at Legoland, going on the rides and having a ball; Boy Lacer stayed in his pushchair for most of the time and was only really interested (obessively so) in MiniLand and didn’t go on any of the rides (I wasn’t actually expecting him to, although when I saw him looking interested in the very gentle balloon ride and I suggested it, it was like asking if he wanted his teeth pulled). So as pretty much usual Mr. Lacer and Girl Lacer went off to do their thing and me and Boy Lacer ummm hung around. Actually in previous years I have managed to get on at least one ride with Girl Lacer, it’s just that we ran out of time this year. He did like MiniLand though and was happy to stay watching particular aspects of it all day if I let him; the first was a ferry in Holland, which actually was rather clever, it went from one side of the port to the other and on one side would pick up a bus and then the bus would drive off the other side and start driving off and then the ferry would wait for a rubbish lorry and the rubbish lorry would do the same.

The ferry in question

 

He liked watching the trains to and was particularly taken with the underground train in the London bit. You could see the train through a not overly small window and Boy Lacer was crouching down at one side watching it, getting very excited everytime it appeared and disappeared, there was plenty of room for other children to see, but it got crowded and some small children started to push into him which he didn’t like so Boy Lacer pushed back, then the kids’ mother virtually sent her older child (about 7 or 8 ) to “Go and be big brother” and get it so his little siblings could see. So the brother barged in, Boy Lacer gets increasingly upset and swipes the brother (not particularly viciously actually), so of course I tell Boy Lacer not to do that and take him away from something he has loved watching (and was actually leaving plenty of space for other children to watch, like I say he was crouching to one side). So of course Boy Lacer now get hysterical and I have to end up letting him scream it out on the floor a little distance away from the particularly controversial window (about as far as I could carry him/ persuade him to walk, whilst I juggle the pushchair to get him back in it. So obviously I was too busy to argue back with this woman who had obviously no issue with sending her children to push in and then sending her older child in when the child being pushed (i.e. Boy Lacer, who may be 3 but actually due to height and behaviour still looks like a young 2) objects! So I walked away, with a sobbing Boy Lacer in the pushchair eating a biscuit, fuming, now normally in situations (not exactly like that because thankfully it hasn’t happened before but in other situations where I’ve crossed swords with someone) I’ll walk way and then think up some appropriate comment I could have used but honestly all I could think about (which was obviously not at all right and completely and utterly wrong and I’d never do this but it’s how I felt), giving the woman in question ankles a good kicking. Now I know she didn’t know he was autistic and in the whole situation I never got a chance to say, but still like I said, he looks and acts like a small 2 year old for pete’s sake (and to be honest a lot of 2 / 3 year olds would have done the same thing). Ok I’m calming down now I’ve got that out my system. Actually though talking in effect about people not realising someone is autistic, standing as I was in places like the Holland part of Miniland for a very long time, I think I could see some other children passing by (or stopping to watch things obsessively like Boy Lacer was, was a clue) that showed traits, I guess I’m more aware of it but I wish people didn’t always assume straight away that every single person was exactly the same, before they’ve even had that initial contact with them and to treat people with more ‘caution’ and respect before boundaries are established, that can be necessary even in a brief 1 minute encounter in a theme park.

Even with that though I think we enjoyed Miniland, me personally I like spotting the TV references, this year I spotted (apologies in advance for the grainy zoomed photos).

McGregors Mechanics and Boorman’s Bikes in ‘Scotland’, I like what I can only assume are a mini Ewan McGregor and a mini Charley Boorman, on motorbikes to the side 

Marge and Homer watching the Changing of the Guards at Buchingham Palace, look for the lady with the big blue hair, her husband is sitting next to her.

The Doctor, Donna, Davros and some unidentified Lego people go visiting the London Eye. It’s nice to see they’ve changed the Doctor display a bit from last year.

Anyway, we did see the fireworks and I did enjoy those. I’m not a big fireworks fan but Legoland fireworks are always something special and it’s quite nice ‘doing fireworks’ early, as opposed to nearer November 5th, means that we don’t have to go to the (in comparison) grotty local display! Last year the fireworks had a witches theme, this year is was Star Wars and it opens with broadcast dialogue, this time telling the tale of a young Jedi trainee (yes I know there’s a proper term but I’ve forgotten it) flying through meteors and enemy ships before going to a graduation ceremony. The graduation ceremony was sweet, the dialogue called for everyone to raise their light sabres (which of course the park had been flogging all day) to the sky and everyone did in unison! And then the real full spectacular fireworks began, choregraphed to all the well known pieces of Star Wars music, culminating in a final multitude of explosions, the sound vibrations from which I could literally feel making my trousers move. It was spectacular, I tried taking some photos but of course they didn’t come out too well!

The 'best' one

Apologies for any typos / spelling mistakes / grammatical errors worse than my normal ones, my computer let alone me is tired and it’s time to go to bed.

Potty training Boy Lacer

Yeugh, to potty train or not to potty train? That is the question. The potty training of Boy Lacer has been rather half hearted with some nappy free time a few times a week for an hour or two but today we aimed for all day and actually come just now, at quarter to three, as I type this, I have had to stop to clean up my second lot of poo and I’ve just stuck a nappy on him because right now, this is not going to work. When Girl Lacer was potty trained, if she had an accident she was genuinely upset, Boy Lacer on the other hand doesn’t seem to understand and much as I don’t like to plan to upset my children, if he was getting upset about accidents I’d take it as a good sign and continue because hopefully he’d realise the solution to the accidents was the potty, but I think he doesn’t see it as a problem, maybe he doesn’t see it all. So as of now we’re not potty training. It’s frustrating because he’s known that he’s going to the toilet for quite a while now but that bodily awareness does not seem to have been linked to the social context about what to do about it.

The ‘deadline’ really is next September when he starts school nursery, they’re meant to be toilet trained by then although classed as a special educational needs child, I think they’d be lenient. But then what, will we be battling to potty train him by Reception?

Sigh, we could really do with him not being nappies, if anything for financial reasons, it feels like it’s an expense we ‘shouldn’t’ have to be paying, but keeping him out of nappies right now would see our purchasing of wipes, disinfectants and kitchen roll go through the roof. It is a dilemma though because another issue we’re having with Boy Lacer at the moment is that he hates having his bottom wiped, he’s never been keen but he now gets hysterical, making keeping him clean really difficult and it’s a lot easier wiping a bottom when the recent ejection hasn’t been smeared all over him from the nappy.

In other Boy Lacer news, he seems to have unfortunately developed quite severe separation anxiety from me, but in quite a weird way. He’s fine when I take him to playgroup, he’ll find a toy he likes and all I get is a very distracted “bye, bye” from him and that’s only when I prompt him to do so, as he’s too busy with the toy. Whereas when we’re at home, I have a little ghost following me and if I sit down he’s immediately trying to climb on top of me and then if I try and get up, it’s like literally the end of the world (for him). So he’s not playing as much as he was and it’s also making it even harder to do even the (limited – according to Mr. Lacer) housework that I do do.

Well that’s one thing off my very long list of things to do

I finally finished the DLA (disabled living allowance) forms for Boy Lacer at 2pm today, I had aimed to get them in in time for his birthday at the end of last month, oops. I spent all of today, up to 2pm (excluding lunch) sorting the remaining forms out, something I don’t like doing as it’s depressing listing all the things your son can’t do and also paranoia inducing on whether I am listing everything because Boy Lacer makes it difficult for me to work conventionally and we need this money, so I don’t want to make a mistake on the form.

After I finished the form I dragged Boy Lacer literally kicking and screaming off the computer to go and buy an envelope literally big enough to stuff this great big wodge of paper in. We also needed a new mouse trap, as our current one clearly isn’t working, so we made our way along into the next town as they have one of those old fashioned hardware stores that sell everything, I swear, if you look hard enough. So off to the dusty corner (although all of the store was dusty) of the mouse dispatching section. I had never seen so many methods of dispatching a mouse, boxes upon boxes of those traditional Tom and Jerry style traps, sticky traps and every sort of poison, including one that proclaimed loudly on the box, as if this was a good thing ‘kills the mouse in hours’, what? Might as well proclaim ‘hours long agonising death for those pesky critters’. Sorry but if I’m going to kill a mouse I’d rather use one of those Tom and Jerry traps, at least that is hopefully instant. Actually I am incredibly soft, I was going in there for another humane trap and have found one slightly different from our last humane trap that didn’t work. Although I am sort of tempted by the thought of a really vicious cat, ok that would kill the little blighters to (hopefully) but it would sort of be by third party if you know what I mean!

In the mail

Not doing much today, I’ve got a stinker of a sinus headache (currently wondering whether it’s one of my sinus headaches I’ve always been prone to or whether it’s one of the many side effects listed for citalopram) and I’m just hanging out on the sofa with Boy Lacer. It’s already 2.20pm, Girl Lacer will be out of school in an hour! I’ve promised her we’ll go to Sainsbury’s after school (woo hoo exciting!) to buy a toothbrush (I bet you’re so jealous now of my exciting life). I’ve already been in town once today so I could have got it then but Girl Lacer is I think missing doing the ‘normal things’ like choosing your own toothbrush so she got upset yesterday with the thought that I’d go and buy her toothbrush without her.

As today’s title suggests I’ve had some mail; the report from Boy Lacer’s playgroup assessment, apparently his playgroup is doing a good job (which I knew sort of, I’m really pleased with them) but the speech therapist offered them some suggestions about communicating with him and also said she’d put Boy Lacer’s name down for a panel to get funding for extra support for playgroup. The playgroup assessment was Boy Lacer’s final assessment for his autism diagnosis, the report didn’t say whether the assessment had confirmed it or not (although putting him forward for that playgroup funding is fairly indicative isn’t it?), currently he’s ‘social communication disorder probable autistic spectrum’. We’ve been working on the assumption that the probable will be removed as the only reason they couldn’t say it was autistic spectrum straight away was because they hadn’t observed him with other children but from my experience with him with other children (other than his sister) I know what he’s like (although he is showing signs of improvement). Anyway I guess we won’t know until his next appointment, which is in November.

Also coincidentally in the mail today was a mailing from the National Autistic Society (NAS) which was incredibly depressing after reading Boy Lacer’s report. NAS are currently fundraising for their Education Advice Line and why it’s so important and Boy Lacer’s future education, namely his secondary education, worries the hell out of me. We’re incredibly lucky in that we live virtually next door to a lovely mainstream primary that specialises in social communication disorders (they even have a special unit within the school), so Boy Lacer will go there (Girl Lacer goes there already, the school also has a fantastic academic reputation) but then after that . . . We live in a highly competitive grammar area and whereas the grammar schools are great, the secondary school, not brilliant and (yes I know things can change) I do not want Girl Lacer going there, let alone Boy Lacer! We’re hoping Girl Lacer will make the grammar school (although with 9 girls applying for every single place, that’s going to be another stress), maybe even Boy Lacer could try for it if my feeling that it’s Asperger’s is right (although I’m not sure how he’d fair in such a competitive environment) but other than that the nearest specialist mainstream secondaries for Aspergers are miles away, I don’t drive (can’t really, Boy Lacer isn’t the only one with dyspraxic tendencies) and the specialist secondaries are at least two bus trips away. It’s just the thought of my currently mainly happy little boy getting lost (not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense) and bullied in some overcrowded, nightmare zoo of a secondary is my worst nightmare.

Forty minutes now till Girl Lacer gets out of school. I actually find it easier to do housework when she’s here (I never thought I’d say that, I always thought it’d be easier to get things done with one less child under my feet) but she’s good at keeping Boy Lacer company (he’s sitting beside me at the moment watching In the Night Garden, he has a man cold at the moment). If I go and disappear off somewhere else in the flat when it’s just me and Boy Lacer, to do some chores or something, I feel guilty about leaving him alone.

On one final positive note, Boy Lacer’s drawing is improving daily. Today he drew some of pictures for the first time deliberately using different colours to mark out different things. He drew a rocket, the rocket was purple but the windows were blue (previously the rocket would have been all purple say) and the sun, it’s rays a different colour. Other than the fact that Girl Lacer’s (already good – sorry proud mummy moment there) drawings have also improved recently I’d be having trouble now distinguishing between the two of them in their drawings.

Boot Day

Brrrrhhh, it’s cold today*! So, I’ve dug out my almost as old as Boy Lacer, brown leather, just below the knee boots with two clunky buckles on each leg and they’re looking set to go for another winter, in fact as they’re ageing they’re looking even better and I congratulate myself again for a sound footwear investment, they cost me £160 three years ago, something that required a serious amount of thinking about before I parted with the money but now as they go into their fourth winter that’s £40 a season of some seriously heavy usage, the price of the seriously cheap and tacky boots I used to wear that wouldn’t last a month let alone a season, so money actually saved and less resources used to I’m just dreading though when these boots do go to the great boot room in the sky, trying to convince Mr. Lacer to let me spend another £160, may it not be this year.

I’d take a photo of them but in my grand ripping the flat apart yesterday to find the tap shoes (which I didn’t find and I ended up having to buy new ones) I’ve managed to loose my phone cable, but trust me, they’re nice and I’m wearing ah hem fishnets (so maybe the photo wasn’t a good idea anyway), I haven’t worn fishnets in years and I’d forgotten that they’re next to nothing useless in a cold, biting wind. As I put them on this morning, Girl Lacer pipes up “Miss N (her teacher) has tights exactly like that”, now I’m not sure what I think about having the same tights as Girl Lacer’s teacher and I’m not what Miss N would think of a) having the same tights as one of the parents considering we’re all at least 10+ years older than her and b) having one of her pupils take that much notice of her sartorial elegance (although Girl Lacer does that with all the female teachers, she’ll give a blow by blow account of their hair and what they’re wearing yet have trouble remembering their names (I have to admit even I was admiring the dress the deputy head was wearing the other day and wondering if it was the same one I’d seen in Per Una).

So, instead of a photo of my legs, how about this scan?

Boy Lacer has just told me these are "The Spikeys"

Sorry it’s not a particularly brilliant scan but Boy Lacer did this just now, didn’t help that he was using a running out purple felt tip pen (he’s currently sitting on my lap keeping my fishnetted legs warm) but isn’t it good? Or am I just being a proud mummy, it’s a big monster and a baby monster, can just turned 3s normally produce a picture that recognisable? He loves drawing and does it everyday and I’d swear each time he draws he gets better. You might not be able to tell from the scan but they have definite eyes and mouths. When Girl Lacer was this age and at playgroup, the very experienced playgroup leader used to frequently say she’d never seen a child that age that good at drawing, I actually think Boy Lacer could be better. As usual I have no idea what a 3 year old ‘should’ be doing but I know he’s been assessed as being 3 months ahead visually and he has no problem with his fine motor skills (unlike his gross motor skills).

Other than that it was just shopping today, spent quite a relatively large sum of money on socks for the three of us (Mr. Lacer can buy his own socks) and I had a sneaky look at the new cookbooks in Smiths. I have Nigella’s Christmas and Rachel Allen’s Bake books currently whizzing down from Amazon in Scotland as we speak, hopefully I’ll get them tomorrow. After a sneaky flick through I am very excited about Rachel Allen’s new book, it looks like her version of Nigella’s How to be a Domestic Goddess. Nigella’s Christmas book is full of well, Christmas recipes, I’m not convinced about how useful it’s going to be in my life but it still looks lovely. The shock of my sneaky browse though was after saying I wasn’t going to get Jamie Oliver’s new book (and don’t worry Mr. Lacer, I still haven’t brought it), after seeing the book, based on his Ministry of Food, it actually looks quite good, even for someone who can actually cook. At first glance it’s full of quick, simple and most importantly these days affordable recipes and it’s photographed really nice, always a plus point for me. So, I have a sneaky feeling I probably will end up getting this book but not as it’s full price of £25, no way!

* Will have to stick the heating on. We were talking about it last night, taking into account the rising fuel prices we’re turning our thermostat down to switch our heating on at 20 C instead of 21 C, make use of all those jumpers we’ve got. I remember reading a few years ago that jumpers don’t sell in this country as well as they used to because instead of putting on a jumper people prefer to just stick up the heating, I think that trend is going to rapidly reverse. I worry though for pensioners etc., we’re lucky, we don’t have much of a flat to heat and we have a new(ish) very energy efficient boiler, so the energy company actually owe us money because we’re overpaying but for how long?